intense sensations

Beware of Marriage

Posted on: May 3, 2012

Fifty Shades Freed (Fifty Shades, #3)Fifty Shades Freed by E.L. James
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I should be elated. Nora didn’t like the third book in the trilogy at all. But getting her to talk about it was really hard. All she’d say was that the main characters got married and lived happily ever after. (Oh no! I hope I haven’t just spoiled it for you. But there’s a clever twist! Read on.)

“What didn’t you like about it?” I asked Nora.

“I really started to hate the woman, Ana.”

“Why?”

“She’s just so feeble. And the sex isn’t arousing any more.”

“But isn’t that what happens in marriage?”

“I don’t know. It’s supposed to be a happy ending. Actually at the end it kind of goes back to the beginning and you get to see things from his point of view, which I thought was quite clever.”

“I see. So you get depths?”

“Not really. You’ll have to read it yourself, I suppose.”

What a forbidding thought!

I dipped into it with grim circumspection. It was a lot worse than I expected. The dialogue was so flat it depressed me. The limp sentences had no forward motion, weighed down by one hackneyed phrase after another.

Paraphrasing loosely from the chapter called MEET FIFTY SHADES…

As I stared into my dreary electronic screen, an unfamiliar ennui seeped into my consciousness. My mood became as flat and grey as the Mr. Grey in my Kindle. The heavy minutes blended together with no distinction, and even the prospect of seeing a fresh-faced virgin get fucked again and again in more and more painful ways failed to provide any kind of diversion.

The leaden sentences of my review popped unbidden into my empty thoughts. I was aware that I’d sound like a sulky teen but I didn’t give a fuck.

How can this woman be called a writer? Oh Christ! Surely she can do better than this? What a fucking dull book. Not one iota of originality. It’s disappointing.

Don’t bother with this. You can supply your own characters, your own sex scenes, your own plot. Definitely supply your own ending. It’s bound to be more imaginative than the book’s.

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7 Responses to "Beware of Marriage"

Funny…. how this series is Twilight fanfiction and, just like its inspiration, it is dull, drab, poorly written and a massive best -seller? I’m beginning to think if writers don’t try so hard that many more of us will see great success.

Julie

Oh, your writing is ten times better, Julie, and stands alone, unlike this bloated piece of tosh, which is propped up, as you say, by Twilight. By the way, it is probably not obvious but in all three of my reviews of this trilogy I have lifted sentences from the books. The penultimate three paragraphs above have been adapted, with only minor improvements, from Grey’s thoughts about Ana. I am not usually so crude.

Your writing, too! In fact, I wonder where this E.L. person got her Lifestyle info? Simply reading up on Fet won’t make someone truly understand how such dynamics work, yes? I much prefer your take on things!

Thank you! I don’t really feel qualified to comment on BDSM issues. I don’t see my own work as exactly fitting this sub-genre. I like the thrill of danger and the scent of fear but, equally, I like softness and romantic yearnings and, above all, humour. There is not much humour and little humanity in the fifty shades books. This is due not so much to a lack of research as to a lack of imagination and empathy. When I think of literary merit I think about how well a work expresses core human experiences. Lively vocabulary and active verbs are a definite plus in any piece of writing but these are nothing without a sound grounding in lived emotions … real love, real fear, real lust. Fifty shades ultimately misses all these targets in my view.

So many writers of this genre would benefit through actually learning from real case information related to relationships, by consulting with say for instance, a private investigator?

A private dick? I’d need to see what kind of rod he’s packing. Do you carry handcuffs?

Don’t carry them around with me but I can always bring em.

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